I’m the youngest of five kids. My brother and sisters are between four and nine years  older than me. 

         Recently, we were all together, talking about when we were kids – except – they were kids BEFORE I was born!!!!!  I listened to them talk about the fun they had – you know, the day to day things kids do to amuse themselves.  I related to that because I did stuff like that too.  Some of the things they talked about I remembered but then they talked about before I was born.  I listened raptly.


         THIS was a real revelation to me!!!   I was stunned!!!

     WHERE WAS I???!!!???


     Whilst I was eagerly awaitin the hugely hyped, total eclipse, this happened.

       Eclipse came early here.  Came yesterday.   It were REALLY long.  Started at 8 PM last night and lasted till 7 AM this morning – It were a TOTAL eclipse too – totally dark here!!!  ALL NIGHT!!!

They say it’s coming back again tonight. 

Best thing- don’t need no special glasses.



        I live in Florida, land of searing Summers with armor piercing sun and drenching humidity.  NO one who lives here looks forward to the summer.  Those who can, go north during the summer.  I can’t, so my heat index endurance is sorely tested.  It is for this reason that I dread spring, because spring means searing summer is right behind. 

       I love animals, including birds.  I am fortunate enough to have a Magnificent Magnolia tree right outside my kitchen window that the birds, in their migratory habits, love to stop. My Magnolia tree is a rest stop on the highway to their final destinations.

       The other day I saw them.  Robins.  Not one, not two, not three but a whole flock of them in my back yard!  “Oh man,” I thought.  “They’re here”.  Yikes!  Don’t get me wrong, I love Robins.  It’s not them, it’s what they represent.  They signal that springtime has come.  First comes the beginning of spring with slightly warmer temperatures. Then the end of Spring with pretty hot temperatures, then:  SUMMER TIME!!!  SEARING SUMMER TIME!!!  ARMOR PIERCING SUN SUMMERTIME!!!  DRENCHING HUMIDITY SUMMERTIME!!!  Yuck!!!!!  

       My heart sank. Up north there are people who stay in all winter long to avoid the cold and snow.  Here in Florida we stay inside the whole summer to avoid the searing heat, armor piercing sun and four shower a day humidity.  I become a hermit in the summer.  I only go out for food, like a bear in hibernation but in reverse.  Florida is a wonderful state – but the summers……

       So, that is why when those cute, happy, colorful, energetic, cheerful, wonderful Robins come, I CRINGE!!!   I KNOW WHAT’S COMING!!!



  I was eatin fresh almonds tother day (I decided I like them a long time ago.)   I did a experiment.  I wanted to see if I could get that wonderful almond extract flavor from them.  I chewed and masticated (get your mind out of the gutter) and ched (my word – I like to make up my own words.  You know – what feels right) and masticated and ched and masticated til the nuts was microscopic.  I sucked on the paste and turned it round and round in my mouth.  Nuttin.  Just the normal nut almond flavor.  HOW DO THE EXTRACTORS DO IT?  I love that almond extract flavor but  – I COULD NOT GET IT!!!  

       It’s one of life’s great mysteries… and miracles. 


       Colors, colors, colors. Recently, I were watching a documentary bout light.  Fascinating.  I learned a lot but I got mindboggled by a amazing fact bprismout light.  THE COLOR YOU SEE AINT THE COLOR OF THE OBJECT.  “What?” you ask.  “You must be crazy!  Everything’s got color,” but not so fast.  Here’s how it works.  Remember ROY G BIV from high school.  Don’t worry – I dint neither til I looked it up again.  Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet.  All adeez colors together makes white.  Hmmm.  Seems strange but it are true.  When light hits a object some ada colors is absorbed and some is reflected.  The ones that gets away are the ones we see.  The ones that is absorbed is the ones that stays behind!!!!  We don’t see these absorbed colors – the ones that is actually onda object – WE SEE THE COLORS THE OBJECT GETS RID OF!!!!!   Wow!!!!  “Aint that amazin??!!!??  As I said, it mindboggled me.


       Recently, I thought to myself (always a dangerous thing) “I aint had a cuppa French Roast coffee in years.  I gonna go to the supermarket and get me some”.  So I went to see what I cood find.  There was millionsa choices.  Back in the old days – not back in the day – you had to go to a specialty coffee store to get Ground French Roast Coffee and there was only one brand.  Much more expensive but worth the price.  It had a unique flavor which I loved. Now we gotz Store brand, expensive brands, super expensive brands and MEGA expensive brands (probably mixed with Gold or sumpin.).  Yeow!!!!!  I were überwhelmed!  Good for me, I thought.  I gotz all adeez choices.  Excellent!!!!  So, of course I picked the cheapest one.  Why not?  Well, it was OK but it weren’t even near da French Roast flavor I craved.  French Roast is VERY, VERY DARK roasted.  So dark it’s almost black – like charcoal -which gives it the unique flavor which I love!!!  BUT – this coffee was light brown.  LIGHT BROWN I say.  WTF?   French Roast is DARK, DARK, DARK!  Not LIGHT, LIGHT, LIGHT!  Again – WTF?  OK – must be the cheepness ada coffee.  This time I tried the expensive brand.  Same thing!  Light brown.  Don’t them peepils know how to make French Roast?  Sheesh.  Now to try the SUPER expensive coffee!!!   Guess what.  A little darker but STILL LIGHT BROWN!!!   WTF is wrong with these peepil.  DON’T NOBODY KNOW HOW TO MAKE FRENCH ROAST?    Well – now it’s time forda MEGA EXPENSIVE coffee.  This gotz to be it!  Gotz to be!  It gotz the fancy label and fancy price – so they MUST know how to make French Roast coffee!  Right?  Nooooooooo.  SAME THING AGAIN!!!  They all call it French Roast but it aint nowhere neer dark enuff.  Somebody awta teach them how to make it right!!!   I thawt my odyssey was over but I still had one last card to play.  The COFFEE SPECIALTY STORE.  They MUST have it!!!  Itz even more MEGA, MEGA, MEGA, EXPENSIVE but I gotz to bite the bullet and pay the big bucks to get wat I want.  I opened the bag and……….  LIGHT BROWN!!!!!!!!!!!   Wha……..?  I paid all adat $  AND IT AINT FRENCH ROAST!!!!!!   WTF!!!!!!!!  I went all over town witda same results.  No French Roast for me!!!!   

          I bet some marketing person – guy or gal or watever – decided, “French roast is too dark forda average American peepil.  Letz all of us companies make it cheap light and call it French Roast.  The public is like sheep.  Theyil believe watever we tell them.  This way we’ll sell them regular coffee at French Roast prices and make megabillions!!!”

        So – until I can go to France – I’ll have to settle forda regular coffee – at regular prices – and kiss French Roast goodbye. 

        Oh well.



        It’s official.  The plural of foot no longer exists.  It’s been over six months since I’ve heard the word feet.  It’s always 93 FOOT.  106 FOOT. 488 FOOT.  And guess what.  It’s not just the low life ignorant dumbasses saying this but the well-educated dumbasses too!    Newscasters, Renovation shows, everything and everybody. 

A requiem will be held for the word feet. 

It will be helled at:


At 9PM

Bring the kiddies